


Heaven Is A Place

by moonflwrs



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Canon, Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon LGBTQ Female Character, F/F, Heaven, LGBT, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, heaven endgame, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28159188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflwrs/pseuds/moonflwrs
Summary: In 2020 Jamie is struggling living without Dani.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw for suicide mention and suicide !!! 
> 
> in chapter two: suicide is tagged in bold, if you do not want to read the section you may continue from the next line break, the first sentence after is in bold to make it easier to find quickly.

The moonflower glistened in the moonlight, it was a single bud in a pot, just like the one Jamie had presented to Dani all those years ago in their flower shop. It symbolised hope, love and happiness to her. That day was one that would live forever in Jamie’s mind. She would think about it over and over, especially while she lay in bed. Jamie missed their flower shop, she couldn’t keep it once Dani left, it felt dirty. 

Jamie fiddled with the ring on her finger and took a deep breath in, she looked over at the clock; 01:46. She began to stare at the moonflower, it’s petals open and beautiful. 

_ I’m actually pretty in love with you.  _

She thought about that day, over and over, she’d waited so long to say that. The words finally left her mouth, she’d finally told  Dani she loved her, Dani already knew she loved her but she wanted to say it; she knew how important hearing it was to a person. She had that very feeling herself when Dani had told her all those years ago that she loved her.

// flashback //

“Jamie?” 

“Yes love?”

“Can I talk to you?” She asked. 

“Of course you can.” Jamie placed her bookmark in the book andplaced it down, then sat up to face Dani. Dani took hold of Jamie’s hands, and looked deeply into her eyes. 

“I just want to say, you don’t have to say anything whatsoever, okay?” Jamie nodded and let Dani continue, “these past few months have been the best of my life. You are my best friend, my favourite person in the world. Things finally fit in place and everything feels right. This. Us. It’s right, it’s how it should be. This. This feeling, what we have. This is it. You have brightened up my life, you have given me the life I never thought I could have, happy and well... I get to be myself. And that I can never thank you enough for.”

“Dani...”

“No it’s okay, Jamie I... I love you.” Tears began to fall down Jamie’s face, she could feel them but didn’t want to draw attention to them by wiping them away. 

_ I love you too. I really fucking love you too.  _

Dani noticed and wiped her tears away, “Please never forget that okay?”

“Okay. I promise.” 

// end //

_ Fuck this. Fuck all of this.  _

Jamie began to cry, she didn’t know how to go on any longer without Dani. It had been 20 years since the night she left, she’d never been able to recover. Each night she lay awake crying until eventually the exhaustion took over. 

_**You** are the love of my life and my best friend.  _

She stared at the moonflower for a few hours until finally she fell asleep, her body taken over by pure exhaustion.

* * *

She woke in the morning and for a moment she forgot her au pair was gone, “morni-“ she began, before she remembered that Dani wasn’t there. 

Her mornings had become quite ritualistic, she’d go into the bathroom, look at the mirror and wait for her love to be staring back. But she never did so Jamie would put the plug in the sink and run the tap, hoping she’d see her lover glistening. She never did. She’d go into the kitchen and run the kitchen tap and place the plug in the bottom. 

Her loves face never appeared, it never had, never for the twenty years she’d done this. She’d do this everyday when she woke up, and everyday when she went to sleep. Each day with the same amount of hope she did when she first started, she never gave up on Dani. 

She took a step back and stood against the wall opposite the sink and slowly slid down the wall and sat on the floor and began to cry. 

_ I cant do this.  _

She stood up after a little while and walked into the bathroom, she put the plug in the bathtub and started to run the tap. She sat on the floor and she thought back to the night when she found Dani flooding the bathroom, trapped by the lady in the lake. 

_ I’ll feel everything for the both of us.  _

The water rose and she turned the tap off before it got too high, she was so tired all the time now, she started to realise what it was like for Dani. She stepped into the bath, still clothed and sat with her knees against her chest, staring at the empty space in front of her. Her tears were dripping into the water, making it ripple, and every so often she started to think that it was Dani’s reflection staring back at her. 

_One day at a time._

* * *

She couldn’t sleep in their bed after Dani left, she slept on the sofa for a little while but she couldn’t face that apartment anymore. She moved back to England, she didn’t want to live far from Dani, she couldn’t. She couldn’t face having a white christmas without Dani. She couldn’t bare the thought. Everything reminded her of her au pair; she  had to leave. 

Her front door was always ajar, she lived in a small cottage a mile or so away from where Bly Manor once stood. Nobody lived close enough to the cottage to know the door was open and the only things Jamie owned were those that Dani once had, that wouldn’t be of value to anyone but herself. And she didn’t really care if anyone broke in, as long as Dani could get in, she didn’t care. 

Owen had moved back to Bly a few years ago, he lived down the road from Jamie. He moved back after he retired, he passed his restaurant on to Miles, who he had become godfather to.Miles would visit Owen and Jamie regularly. Flora had stayed in America with her husband and Henry, but she would visit as much as she could. 

Jamie knew she couldn’t leave without a goodbye. She cried for hours in the bath, she knew this was her time. She got out and took her clothes off, she left them in a pile on the floor, dried herself off and got dressed. She walked into the lounge and found a notebook. 

_ Dear Owen,  _

_ You are my dearest friend, you have been my lifeline for so long, my happiness and my saviour. I will forever be thankful for how you have treated me like family. I’ve begun to realise what it was like for Dani in the end, the never-ending tiredness, the emptiness, the hopelessness.  _

_ It’s my time now, just like it was hers all those years ago. It’s my time to join her now. I know how hard this must be, but Miles will be there for you. He will keep you company, and be your happiness and your saviour now. It’s your time to be looked after.  _

_ Please remember me from my happier years, all the laughs and wonderful memories together, before I became a shadow of myself. I don’t want you to be sad, I want you to remember the good things, and to know that now I’m back where I belong, with  her .  _

_ I love you, _

Jamie x

She began to write one for Miles, her eyes were streaming and had begun to sting. She picked her phone up from the table and sent a text to Owen,

_ ‘How about a meal over at Batter?’ _

Within seconds her phone buzzed with a reply,

_ ‘Perfect, I’ll come round in half an hour and pick you up, love.’ _

She smiled down at her phone and wrote another line or two to Miles. 

‘ _Wonderful_.’

She finished writing her letter to Miles, wrote another to Flora and Henry. She hasn’t made any other friends since moving home to England; she only needed Owen, she didn’t want to know anyone that didn’t know Dani

She folded the pages and put them in separate names envelopes and sealed them and placed them on the table with their names hidden. She took her phone and found Flora’s contact, she hit facetime, she wiped her tears and put on her perfected fake smile. 

“Jamie!”

“Sorry darling is it early there?”

“Oh no you’re okay! We’ve been up for ages, kids you know!!”

“How are they doing?”

“Dani, Hannah! Come here it’s Auntie Jamie!” 

“Oh bless them!”

The two children crowded in front of Flora trying to get in front of the frame, they told her all about their lessons at school and their art projects. 

“Jamie?” Owen asked stepping into the house. 

“Uncle Owen?” One of the children asked. Jamie walked over to Owen and put him in the frame of the call. 

“Hi kids! How are you doing?”

“Great now we’ve got to talk to you both!” 

“Owen’s here to pick me up, we’re going for lunch at batter. Miles is there today isn’t he?”

“Of course” Owen replied. 

“Oh that’s perfectly splendid, wait Dad!” She shouted. “Come here!” A few moments later Henry came into the room. “Owen and Jamie are about to go and see Miles why don’t you say hello to them both?”

“Hi, how are you both doing?”

“I’m okay,” Jamie said with her most convincing tone. 

“Not too bad either, how are you doing over there?”

“Surprisingly well for someone or my age!” 

“Dad! Well we best let you both get off! Say goodbye to Uncle Owen and Aunt Jamie.”

A course of goodbyes were said and the. Flora hung up. 

Flora had had twins a few years after they had married. After the wedding, and Jamie’s story, Flora and Miles had begun to regain some memories and with the gaps filled by Henry and Owen the children began to remember Hannah and Dani more vividly than they ever had. Flora insisted she changed her name back to Flora, so she was as Dani and Hannah knew her, then Miles did the same.

Once they left Bly all those years ago they had chosen new names and forgotten why, but once they realised the heartbreak Owen and Jamie had been through they wanted to honour them and their parents. 

Jamie, Miles and Owen had travelled out for Flora’s children’s births. They all stayed for a month and Flora had decided to name the twins after Dani and Hannah, to make sure their memory would live on. She had vowed once the children were a certain age she would tell them the same story that Jamie had told them at the wedding. She kept to that promise and once they reached 11 she told them, and spared no details. 

* * *

After they had finished their meal Miles came and sat down with them, “So how’s Charlie?”

“He’s okay, he’ll be on his break soon too, he’ll join us too, he adores you two.”

Charlie was Miles’ husband, they had married two years ago; it was a beautiful ceremony, it was everything Jamie had wanted for herself and Dani. She pictured that day as her own many times, reimagining it over and over in her head. 

A few minutes later Charlie joined them, and they reminisced about Bly Manor and the fun times they had together there, Charlie always asked about it, he loved hearing them talk about it. 

“Jamie?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you what happened when you met Dani?”

“Of course you can. I remember it like it was yesterday. Everyone was in the kitchen and I’d been out gardening as per, I came in and barely acknowledged her at all, not even a glance in her direction. I wanted her to know I was the alpha around Bly. I washed my hands and made sure I didn’t dry them and splashed the kids. Then she knew I were playful but still the alpha. We talked a bit at lunch. It was when we all went to hunt for Quint that we really had a chance to talk. Bumped into her outside, I was holding a gun and everything. We came back inside and had a hot chocolate, Miles and Flora fell asleep almost instantly on the floor and then Hannah did too. Owen did, I think, or at least he pretended to be. So Dani and I talked about Rebecca and Peter and I tried to gage if she found Owen attractive, was a right old mess. It was the 80s so back then you hid it if you weren’t straight. And she came across as the straightest person. The next day we spent quite a bit of time together, she told me about her ex fiancé, who were a man, and that was my way of being told to back off, or so I thought. Just as I was leaving that evening, she walked me to me car and told me she was glad I stayed. We stood for a moment before I went to get in the car and all I wanted to do was kiss her but I couldn’t. She then took my hand and squeezed it, it took me by such surprise and I think that was her way of telling me she weren’t straight. I spent the next day thinking about it, flirting with her through the day when I could, and in the evening we drank and while Owen and Hannah were talking we went off to the greenhouse. After some more talking about her ex she kissed me and it was so incredible, I felt all those things people tell you you’re meant to feel when you kiss someone. I never wanted it to end but she was going through some things and something was wrong, so it didn’t last long. By the next time i saw her, she seemed to sort herself out and I opened up to her, first time i’d ever told anyone about my family or my past at all. It felt right, it felt organic and from that moment we connected and that’s when I realised she was what I’d been missing.”

“That’s beautiful Jamie,” Charlie said, all three was so entranced by Jamie’s passion as she spoke about Dani. 

“I’m sorry I got a little carried away there.”

“Never apologise, love, we all love hearing you talking about her.” Miles responded. 

“I think I might go down to the lake this afternoon.” Jamie added. 

“Why don’t we all?” Owen asked. 

“We get off at 3, we would love to join you,” Miles responded. 

“That would be lovely. We can go and see Hannah too.”

“Perfect,” Charlie said. 

They had only been married a couple of years but they had been together for a long time, after Jamie told the story at Flora’s wedding, and then opened up about Dani and her sexuality it gave Miles a person to turn to. He’d known for a long time he was gay but felt scared and ashamed; Jamie showed him the light and helped him accept himself. When he moved to England he met Charlie, and they had been together ever since. 

Only those at Bly knew about Dani and Jamie, she didn’t want to move on or find anyone else so it wasn’t anyone else’s business what her sexuality was. She never took her ring off so when anybody asked she said she was married and that was all she said. She knew and that’s all that mattered. 

She didn’t want somebody that didn’t know about Dani forming an opinion about her, even as people got more accepting, she couldn’t stand the thought of someone thinking negatively of her love. 

Owen still loved Hannah to this day, he’d visit her headstone every few days and tell her stories from the restaurant, or update her on the children. He never knew if she was really there or not but he believed she was and that was enough for him. 

They all stayed at the restaurant until Miles and Charlie finished and went over to Bly together, they told more stories and Owen had some time with Hannah and Jamie with Dani, they both had headstones on the grounds and the two would talk to them there. 

* * *

After a couple of hours they all went home, Jamie hugged them tightly as she said her goodbyes and told each one of them she loved them, this was rare for Jamie but as they’d had such a heart to heart at the restaurant they didn’t think much of it. Owen took her home and they sat in her house for a little while, she made a mug of tea each. 

“You know you promised you’d tell me if it was your time to join Dani,” Owen asked and Jamie nodded, “is that what today was about? Is it your time?”

Jamie sat and took a deep breath in. “I’m so sorry Owen, I can’t do it anymore.”

“It’s okay, love, it’s okay. We both knew this day would come for us both, it’s a little ways down the road for me, but i’ve seen you struggling these last few years and today, I could see the hope in your eyes when you were talking about Dani and that’s when it hit me.”

“I’ve got nothing left inside me, no feeling whatsoever. I know what it must have felt like for Dani. And I know it’s my time.”

“Can I stay here tonight, have one last night with you? I promise I won’t tell anyone else, nobody is stopping you. Not this time.”

“That would be lovely, one last film and card night together.” Owen moved closer and hugged Jamie and they both began to cry. “I never wanted you to know when it was happening,” she whispered into his chest. 

“I know, love, I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for suicide in this chapter, it is marked in bold and sectioned out, the first line of the sentence after the section is in bold to make it easier to skip over quickly

They started the night playing a few card games and then they both chose a film to watch, Owen chose ‘The Birdcage’, it was a film they always used to watch together, it would make them laugh and it would make Jamie feel comfort. When it came out Dani, Jamie and Owen all went to the theatre and watched it together, it became their favourite film; they felt like it was  their film. 

Jamie chose ‘Pride’, she always loved it, knowing Dani would have too, it was soft, funny but about the reality of being gay in the 80s, and the best of all there was no romance. They were gay and that was that they just lived their lives like she did, like Dani did, like Miles and Charlie do. 

The sofa had been pulled out into a sofa bed and the two dozed off together cuddling, they often fell asleep in each other’s arms when they stayed together, they never spoke about it but they knew how important it was to both of them. 

* * *

Jamie woke up Owen was gone, he had left a note on the sofa,

_ Jamie, _

_ I’ll see you again soon, but until then you tell Hannah I love her and I’ll be with her again soon.  _

_ Tell Dani she has the privilege to spend the rest of eternity with the best person, give her a hug from me and tell her I miss her.  _

_ I’m proud of you, I love you and I’ll see you soon.  _

_ All my love, _

_ Your Owen x _

Jamie clutched the note close to her chest and let herself cry, she hadn’t looked for Dani’s reflection the night before and she never did again. She tidied up the room and placed the letters face up on the table and went to get the moonflower from the bedside and placed it with the letters. She wrote a note and put it under the moonflower. She put a ring in the pot and one on her right ring finger, she had a polaroid camera on the table and took a polaroid of her hand with the flower, she put it in Owen’s envelope, so he could see she had one too. 

_ Please take this moonflower, it blooms at night and it’ll last a few more weeks, once it’s gone, know that wherever there is a moonflower out there in the world our spirit lives on. _

_ This ring is for you, I have my own and will keep it on me forever now.  _

_ Jamie x _

She placed the note and smiled and played with the ring on her own finger. 

She took one last look around her cottage, she hovered at the photos of Dani, photos together, photos of her love. Photos of their family together, back at Bly. The regret the gardener felt for leaving that night, if only she had stayed like Dani had asked, or come back. She would have her here. Now. She wouldn’t be alone. 

The night played over and over in Jamie’s head, the regret, the fear, the shame she felt. She was just scared of the kids noticing something was different, or Owen and Hannah realising how much time she was spending there. The awful dream she has lingered, the fear, the panic when she woke, it never quite left. Seeing Dani and Flora in the lake was the worst thing she had ever seen, she’d seen one dead body in that lake once before, the moments before she saw Dani move everything shattered inside her, the fear of Dani being gone was too much to handle. The fear in Dani’s eyes, the overwhelming panic that spread throughout the au pair was so strong it passed to Jamie as she ran into the lake. 

Those few moments that she stood with Dani and Flora in the lake seemed never-ending, as the days passed she couldn’t think of anything but the look in Dani’s eyes. Every time she closed her eyes that’s all she could see, the panic, the fear, the regret. 

She took the slightly faded polaroid out from its frame, it was from one of their in-flat date nights, Dani had cooked for them both, it was a pasta salad, Jamie could still remember the taste, all these years later. They got a neighbour to come round and take the polaroid for them once they had finished. 

// flashback //

“Don’t come in yet!” Dani shouted from the living room, Jamie been sent to find a nice record to play once the film was over.

Dani showed Anne, the lady from across the hall out, she’d taken the polaroid and helped Dani set up. She was lovely, always so friendly, they never really came out to her but she knew it was a one bedroom flat and it didn’t take much for anyone to realise we weren’t just friends, but nobody mentioned it and they liked that. 

“Just let me help!” Jamie shouted,

“No need.” Dani opened the bedroom door and put her arm out, Jamie took hold of it and she lead her out of the room. 

They sat down and watched ‘Dead Poets Society’, Dani had been trying to get her to watch it for years, and she finally caved. Dani fell asleep in Jamie’s arms and could feel her head get heavier on her arm, her breaths got deeper; bliss. Jamie squeezed her close and enjoyed the moment, she soon woke up and pretended nothing happened, and so did Jamie, moments like those are to be cherished.

* * *

“Come on, did you like it?”

“I suppose so..... of course I did, now come here, you just look so cute like this.” Jamie leaned down as she reached up and their lips met, every kiss was like their first, it felt like sparks were flying, it was beautiful and they never wanted to stop. 

Dani pulled away and stood up, she walked to the record player and placed the needle on the record and it began to spin. “May I have this dance?” She asked reaching her hand out to me; Jamie took it and stood up. 

Jamie placed her other hand on Dani’s hip, hers on Jamie’s shoulder and they stepped back and forth,neither of them could really dance but they didn’t care. They were together and that’s what mattered. Jamie span Dani round and then she came back close and they hugged as they danced; their foreheads together. They swayed for what could’ve been hours, content with each other, never wanting to leave. Dani began to fall asleep in Jamie’s arms again so Jamie lifted her up and carried her to bed. She was half aware of what was going on, she looked so peaceful and happy. Jamie curled up beside her, placed a kiss on her forehead and then they both were asleep.

// end //

Jamie clutched the polaroid to her chest and took a deep breath in, she kissed it and placed it in her pocket. She looked at the other photos and began to cry, but this time it wasn’t out of sadness it was out of relief, she knew soon she’d be back where she belongs. With  her au pair. 

She went to her bedroom and put on Dani’s old pink blouse, she wore it when she felt alone, or scared, and she had never been more scared. She looked one last time in the mirror in her bedroom, but not for Dani, this time it was to see herself one last time. 

She called for a taxi to the lake by where the manor stood, it wasn’t far but walking there wasn’t an option, not with everyone able to see her. The taxi arrived and she left the house and for the first time in a long time, she closed the door behind her; she didn’t need to let Dani have a way to enter anymore because she was on her way to Dani. 

* * *

Once the taxi arrived at the manor she walked straight to the lake. She stood for a moment and took the polaroid out of her pocket, she stared at it and smiled, she had to tell herself this was the thing she needed to do, to be at peace at last. She clutched it to her chest one final time as she began to cry. Her heart was full, as well as her head, the fear and panic overwhelmed her but the love and the relief that she knew were to come was calming her. 

She took a deep breath and placed the polaroid in her breast pocket, so it was close to her heart forever. 

* * *

**tw // suicide if needed, skip to the next line break //**

Jamie began to walk to the right where there were some stones piled, she bent down and began to fill her pockets with the heaviest stones she could find, she knew at the bottom of the lake there would be some stones but she wanted to not be able to back out once she’d made that final step. 

Her trousers were weighing her down, she didn’t give herself a moment to think, she went straight into the water, she didn’t stop she didn’t hesitate. She walked, and she wouldn’t stop, just like Viola each night through the grounds of Bly Manor. 

She was waist deep in the water now, her pace growing as she got deeper into the water, the fear left her body and replaced by a numbing sensation, she felt nothing. The water didn’t feel cold, the stones didn’t feel heavy anymore. The fear was gone, her mind was empty. It was as if the lady of the lake was sucking her soul as she submerged herself. 

Her head was underwater now, her body began to slow down, she struggled to walk any further so began to swim down towards the centre of the lake, she couldn’t see much but she could an empty space and she chose that as her place to rest. She was struggling, her body fighting to rise to the top but her will power was too strong, she reached the bottom and find some large rocks, she was just about able to life them and she used them to anchor her body.

She was now her own lady of the lake, waiting for the moment to come. She lay on the bottom of the lake not feeling the pain her body was in, she didn’t register that, the relief of being back with her love was too great. She shut her eyes and waited. 

* * *

**A bright light appeared,** she slowly opened her eyes and suddenly she was stood, she wasn’t in the lake anymore. There was a figure in the light waiting, watching. She closed her eyes slowly and the light dimmed. 

She woke up in the au pairs bedroom, alone. She stood up and wandered over to the door. She opened it and slowly walked out, she looked in the nearby rooms, but they were all empty. She searched the upstairs but nobody was around. 

She began to walk down the stairs and then into the kitchen, she was still alone, she began to search the rest of the house but she couldn’t find any sign of anyone. 

She opened the door to the manor and in the distance she saw a figure, sat by their raised beds, on the table and chairs that Jamie and Hannah had once sat on and laughed as she tried to work out Dani. 

She walked towards the and as she got closer she saw blonde locks flowing over a purple jumper; Dani. 

The woman was facing away from Jamie so couldn’t see her walking towards her, she was scared if she spoke she would disappear. She started walking across the stoned path and the stones crackled beneath her feet as they rubbed together. The figure turned round. 

“Jamie?” Dani ran straight towards the gardener and embraced her, tighter than she ever had before. Jamie pulled back slightly and the two locked eyes, “its really you isn’t it?”

“I’m all yours, poppins,” Jamie smiled and leaned in and kissed her, their lips collided and it felt warm, it felt soft, it felt like home. Something she feared she would never feel again. 

Dani pulled away this time and stared deep into the green eyes of the gardener, “I love you.”

“I love you, too. I never stopped loving you, not even for a second, you’re my best friend and the love of my life and that’s all that matters.” Jamie paused as she began to cry, “I’m finally home.”


End file.
